Our tiny, tormented tines are entwined through time. Love, Donna
ODE TO LEISA® Original, spiritual eulogy-inspired poetry by Donna J. Fennel.
A tribute to my friend who recently succumbed to anorexia nervosa.
How I know well the pain you must have experienced, my dear Leisa.
Original publication on June 14, 2004. Revised on May 27, 2006.
My, you were the loveliest of fallen angels ~
Roaming solo upon precious Mother Earth.
A soul who yearned to one day be whole ~
Hungering for love, merriment and mirth.
Yet within, we carry our ball and chain ~
For we two, perfection we sought to attain.
You were a marvelous mother, like no other ~
To those who would never experience your pain.
I believe you are now in a far better place ~
For in Heaven, you display your face of grace.
Your soul reaches beyond from the astral above ~
Touching us, here, who sense your eternal love.
You believed this disease you had overcome again.
In high school, it was cool to be wafer thin then ~
For ample thighs were your "demise" at the beach ~
Yet your "cure" would be your curse well within reach.
Leisa, I harbor you in my heart throughout eternity ~
Spread your wings, darling, for now you are free
Of your anorexic pain and phobia of weight gain ~
Beckons now your hallowed haven without the pain.
You have everything to live for: Beauty and bliss ~
Several suitors who found you too tempting to resist!
Remember when you told me about your first wet kiss?
And our sleep-overs. O, Leisa, you will so be missed!
You remain in my thoughts; in my dreams you walk ~
My ocean of emotion is why for you I quill devotion.
Of love and loyalty, for now you reign as royalty ~
Amongst anguished anorexics who are finally free.
Now why do I cry as I do? You are a fallen heroine ~
Tho you committed a sin, you were smarter than most.
For your intelligence I held in the highest admiration ~
And appreciation. Now, you are just another ghost.
I harbor for you, on this Earth, emptiness and sorrow ~
Yet for me, of this disordered misery I am finally free.
For I awoke today, and welcome the brink of tomorrow ~
Each hour I savor and borrow, for I am one with me.
As dimming of another day sets in, I recall the worst sin ~
Killed our self esteem, while we were kidding ourselves.
Because we felt as though our lives were empty shells ~
Fed by fading dreams, while we created separate hells.
If I could steal an hour from the past to alter your state ~
I would heal you, child, for your self love turned to hate.
A moment ago, your mind had dwelled on another place ~
Thoughts warped in time and space, once clear and chaste.
O, how I wish you had told me you stopped eating again!
You knew what I had suffered; we were best of friends.
For me, today’s a new beginning, yet for you it’s the end.
I could have wound up just like you, my fate did portend.
Last night, I gazed into the celestial skies, starlight clear ~
And then I smiled, because your angel presence was near.
One lone star twinkled brightly in the far western region ~
I knew it was you, amongst the bravest of angelic legions.
O, I ask myself why God had the gaul to take you now ~
In your ripest age of forty-five, so filled with love to give?
Yea, I would have rescued and cured the misery in thou ~
Alas, I knew naught you would regress and cease to live.
My intent, here, is that my message you humbly receive ~
I was cheated out of saying goodbye, and for you I grieve.
O, I wonder why this lifetime of mine has been unkind ~
I ponder its very purpose, while paying for my own crime.
I try to fathom the stars, thinking they could hear me ~
Why does my heart break now, knowing you are FREE?
Realizing Heaven for you is the harmonic utopia to be ~
Tho I am recovered, years ago I had wished it were me!
O, why do your loved ones get abandoned, left behind?
We know not these answers, yet we are destined at birth
To discover why were are incarnated by a God unkind ~
Over and over, to learn our TRUE purpose here on Earth.
It seems you dreamed of danger, for it satisfied your need ~
To attempt a fatal self act, trying to outwit the risks, indeed!
If you could have tuned out your mind from this and relaxed ~
Perhaps you would not have made yourself the suicide pact.
Pain of your final destiny hacks me like the sharpest knife ~
For I, too, shared your disordered agony and endless strife.
Yet I sought solace from deep within, so that I could win ~
And attain my mission here in life, free from this mortal sin.
O, to view your gravestone, now, in opalescent moonlight ~
Would be a horrific sight, and instill in my sad soul fright.
Yet in darkest of night, I shall gaze and witness your light ~
Shine upon me as a beacon of hope to avoid your plight.
While a thousand nebulae of nights shall come and pass ~
May your star beam the brightest in the Celestine realm.
Like the bravest Valkyrie steering gallantly at her helm ~
Lo, our fallen angel has gone home, finding relief at last.
Accept my heartfelt tribute to you and your family, my beloved Leisa.
You will remain an eternal flame in my heart, my angel friend, until we meet again.
From this disease we found a dissimilar release, yet we share a separate peace.
I wrote this especially for your survivors including your wonderful parents and me. Your memory lives on like an eternal flame in our hearts and minds. God Bless.
"You are a soul floating beyond the ozone in outer space ~
Thin and lithe for ALL eternity in another time, another place.
Up there you can see that you are defying gravity for eternity ~
The body you destroyed, here, is now part of the cosmic exosphere.
May humanity be able to save the starving bodies and souls of those
Who need nourishment and love the MOST, in order to feel whole."
~ Donna J. Fennel - March 2006 ~
“In my half light I’ll see you in time …”
~ From Half Light TM by music artists Low/Tomandandy ~
"The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. This is the essence of inhumanity."
~ George Bernard Shaw ~
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