Hello, this is Donna J. Fennel (also known as Angel Avalon Mysts), administrator and designer of this new, out of the ordinary Donnadreamland website. Welcome to my wackier wonder side: Cyber Donna's Fun Emporium, my link distinct on the hilarity brink (I think) intended to tickle your funny bone by offering clean humor plus upcoming hiliarious photos and jokes. Here you will discover my "far" side. I shall be adding more silly stuff to this link routinely, including funny photos and more one of a kind jokes, for which I welcome your own original humor suggestions and submissions. Hey, we ALL need a little comic relief now and then. Silliness keeps us sane. There are some folks out there who know me (who do not admit to it, ho, ho) as a cyber comedienne (if you say so, Donna).
If you would like to include some of your own original humor here, I encourage you to contact me at my primary Email address: cyberdonna@hughes.net. For starters, I shall transcend you in time to the Abbott and Costello glory days; however, the joke here has a new twist. I always wondered what it would be like if Abbott and Costello lived in the 21st century. I offer you here a possibly plausible scenario which should help you smile the day away.
Enjoy, while more fun stuff Cyber Donna employs. Thank you for visiting.
Bud (Abbott) and Lou (Costello) in the 21st Century:
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my names Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows! I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: Duh, I already have an office and it has windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue “w”.
COSTELLO: Man, I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want RealOne.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is NONE of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to see reels 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great, with what?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO; OK, say I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue “1”.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue “1”.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue “w”?
ABBOTT: The blue “1” is RealOne and the blue “w” is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are THREE words in office for windows!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: Stop! Hey, don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: Ok, I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Hey, isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Yeah, why not. They own it. (Ho-ho, guffaw ... supposed to laugh here.)
It's a snowball, a fallen cloud or a marshmallow with eyes. Yikes, it's monster kitty, and it appears he's been inhaling helium again! Up, up and away ...
"Mutt man lives!"
"A purrfect day at the spa following chores."
"Temptation lurks here. Rattatouille, anyone?"
But wait folks, there's more ...
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." (Man, what a dude.)
-- Spoken by Dan Quayle on 9-15-88.
"Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid while the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
-- Tommy Cooper
"Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code, so he turned himself in."
-- Rita Rudner
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
-- Steven Wright
"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
-- Carl Zwanzig
MOZART BEYOND THE GRAVE
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple of days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery when he heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened for a while longer and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. This is most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh ... the Sixth ... the Fifth ..."
Suddenly, the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."
In order for you to view and listen to the following two videos, you will need to have Windows MediaTM enabled on your computer. Need Windows Media? Problem is solved! You may download the latest free version here:
Due to popular demand, I decided to keep my nonconventional Halloween WAV sound file on this page until further notice. Is this a trick or a treat? Only you can decide. If you dare, I invite you to left-click on my below custom Halloween WAV sound file. Welcome to my nightmare ... I know that I'm strange:
A Cyber Donna Halloween - listen if you dare (WAV format) - 657 kb
Here's one nutty kitty in danger of being euthenized. This is one very funny video:
Click here to view Pinky the cat video.
This is one phenomenal bird! Enjoy this interview with Einstein the parrot:
Click here to view Einstein the parrot video.
"I'm suffering from menopause. What's YOUR excuse?"
"Lookie here ... Hubby Steve's a changed dude since we had moved. Especially since you see who he ended up marrying below." (It's a morphed photo using cool Morph Man 4.0 software.)
"Ah, only the BEST for my cyber guests. I told hubby I needed a fun lift, not a face lift. Imagine if we had another kid together? I am trying to save the world, not infect it. They could use this mouth for germ warfare. This bride of 'Stevenstein' is really uuuuuuugly. When I rolled out the red carpet for all, I guess I was under it. (ROFL) I could start charging admission for bugs with a yap trap like this ... oooo."
"You think these are bad ... look what I did to my cat, Topaz. (Kidding!)"
"I've always had a good head for numbers."
Y ZERO K PROBLEM
Translated from Latin scrolls, dated circa 2 BC
Dear Cassius,
Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? This awkward change from BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven't much time left. I don't know how people will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start thinking upwards. You would think that someone would have thought of it earlier, and not left it to us to sort it all at this last minute.
I spoke to Caesar the other evening. He was livid that Julius hadn't done something about it when he was sorting out the calendar. He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty. We called in Consultus, but he simply said that continuing downwards using minus BC won't work and, as usual, charged a fortune for doing nothing useful. Surely we will not have to throw out all our hardware and start again? Macrohard will make yet another fortune out of this, I suppose. The money lenders are paranoid, of course! They have been told that all usury rates will invert and they will have to pay their clients to take out loans. Alas, it's an ill wind...
As for myself, I just can't see the sand in an hourglass flowing upwards. We have heard that there are three wise men in the East who have been working on the problem but, unfortunately, they won't arrive until it's all over. I have heard that there are plans to stable all horses at midnight at the turn of the year as there are fears that they will stop and try to run backwards, causing immense damage to chariots and possible loss of life. Some say the world will cease to exist immediately at the moment of this transition.
We are still continuing to work on this blasted Y zero K problem. I will send a parchment to you if anything further develops. If you have any ideas, please let me know.
May the Gods be with us!
Plutonius
E-MAIL MEGA BLOOPER
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, occasionally unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man, who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quickie-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
PS: It sure is hot down here.
THE BABY TURTLE FABLE
A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and, with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off of the branch. Upon landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and, with a sigh, started to climb.
About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers, and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree sighed and, once again, started climbing.
Now, watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mommy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think it's time we finally told him he was adopted?"
A CEO CYBER SHOW
Bill Gates (CEO of Microsoft), Andy Grove (CEO of Intel) and Jerry Sanders (CEO of AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During their serious, tense discussions, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting.
Bill says, "Oh, that's my emergency beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I really need to take this call." So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear, and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him.
Bill explains, "Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way, I can a take a call anywhere." The others nod, and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He also states, "Oh, that is my emergency beeper. Excuse me, gentlemen, this must be an important call." So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air. When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, "I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth. Isn't that neat?" The others nod, and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, "Uhh, will somebody please get me a piece of paper? I'm receiving a fax."
QUESTION: IF YOU COULD LIVE FOREVER, WOULD YOU AND WHY?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-- Mariah Carey
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for
federal anti-smoking campaign.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country."
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
-- A democratic congressional candidate in Texas.
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-- Al Gore, Vice President
“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Dan Quayle
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-- Lee Iacocca
"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."
-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst (Duh.)
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-- Bill Clinton, President
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, Vice President (Geez, he's smart.)
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-- Keppel Enderbery
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
THE TEN BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT
SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK
10. "They told me at the Blood Bank that this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management
course you had sent to me."
8. "Whew! I guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably arrived here just
in time."
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a
new business strategy."
6. "I was testing my computer keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress.
Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out how to handle that big
accounting problem."
3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your
ear down really close?"
2. "Who put decaf in the wrong pot? Double duh!"
And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:
1. Raise your head slowly and say, "... in Jesus' name, Amen."
NEW! CLASSES FOR MEN AT OUR LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS.
CLASS REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY MARCH 17. 2008. CLASSES BEGIN ON APRIL 14, 2008.
NOTE: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each class size will be limited to EIGHT participants maximum. These offer an experience of a lifetime; however, some of these classes are not for the weak of stomach or faint of heart. Rest assured we will help you quease with ease because we aim to please while, here, we shoot the breeze, wheeze, fart and sneeze (Geez!). In our annals of higher education, we aim to loom above the best, including passing the buck, gas and the test. Wish us well in our illustrious educational career, here.
We have won numerous awards for our prestigious presentations, and uphold our Mission Statement with the highest standard of integrity (What's that?):
WE WASTE TIME SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
CLASS 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays, Step by Step with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours, starting at 7 PM.
CLASS 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does It Change Itself? Round Table
Discussion.
Meets for 2 weeks on Saturday, at 12 noon, for 2 hours.
CLASS 3: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor.
Pictures, videos and explanatory graphics. Meets on Saturdays beginning at 2 PM for 3 weeks.
CLASS 4: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into the
Kitchen Sink?
Examples on video. Meets for 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours, starting at 7 PM.
CLASS 5: Learning How to Find Things - Starting with looking in the right places, instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open forum meeting on Monday, beginning at 8 PM, for 2 hours.
CLASS 6: Health Watch - Bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Live demonstrations, graphics, videos and audio tapes.
Meets on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, starting at 7 PM, for 2 hours.
CLASS 7: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost. Real Life Testimonials!
Meets Tuesdays at 6 PM. The location is yet to be determined. (We cannot remember where we held this last session.)
CLASS 8: Is it Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly while She
Parallel Parks?
Driving simulations and videos. Four weeks of classes meeting on Saturdays, at 12 noon, for 2 hours.
CLASS 9: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion - Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets for 4 weeks, on Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours, starting at 7 PM. Ohhhmmm ... this will be a relaxing experience. Have a mantra selection ready to chant when you arrive.
CLASS 10: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates, plus Calling When You Are Going to be Late.
Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered. This is one session you will NOT want to miss! Meets on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 7 PM for 2 hours. We guarantee that you will acquire total recall abilities following this session. Try to remember not to be late.
CLASS 11: The Stove/Oven - What It Is And How It Is Used.
Live demonstration offered on Tuesdays at 6 PM. The location is yet to be determined, because we did not fare so well during our last live stove demonstration. Consequently, we are on standby awaiting construction completion of another stove-equipped classroom. We recommend that you wear flame-retardant clothing and bring your own fire extinguisher.
Upon completion of any of the above certified courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors. Wish us well as we progress through the higher annals of education with this course activity. These come highly recommended by Cyber Donna, all of which she invites you to experience and enjoy!
Let's stop war before we wind up
getting our pets to do the dirty work.
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Donnadreamland Author: Donna J. Fennel | Copyright ©2003-09 donnadreamland | All rights reserved.
Revised: March 4, 2008.
